I think I am going to milk my California vacation for it is worth, especially the pictures, we only took like 700 of them. The other day I was saying I had two posts in mind to publish, well I actually got one published and the content of the other has completely left my mind, just as I suspected it would.
I am noticing this blog is nothing more than a hot mess with absolutely zero focus. Once upon a time in the beginning there was a focus, I was here to bitch about my family, you know let the world know how they did me wrong and crap like that. Well that material is still there, it just was not as satisfying to write about after a while and really to be honest, the material just kind of sucked the life out of my soul. So to compensate for the lack of bitching I have just let me adult ADD take over and write about any old thing that pops into my head and the result has been this hot mess.
I am kind of at a cross roads right now, trying to figure it (whatever “it” might be) all out. So much that made sense in my life is now kind of changing, I am kind of a new girl with new interests and priorities. For years life was all about getting stuff done, getting through one day to the next, but now well I am seeing things a little differently.
I guess I am tired of wishing I could do the things that interest me and am excited to start doing them. If you know me well, those words are shocking. I get stuck in my own little ruts, I never give myself any credit and the monster living inside a/k/a fear always destroys whatever initiative I feel to break out of the mold. I guess what I realize is my whole life I lived by the “rules”, my rules for getting ahead, doing the right thing, not ending up like my mother. While those rules got me out of poverty and away from the toxic surroundings I grew up in, they also held me back from branching out and pursuing what it is I love.
I can not explain to you why I love to cook, or why I get a huge a thrill when I successfully convert a recipe into a gluten free masterpiece for my daughter. I do not know why I feel so comfortable behind the lens of a camera capturing images but I can tell you I am beyond thrilled when others like my photos on pinterest or here on my other blog.
So as my babies continue to grow up on me and move on to pursue their own dreams, i know it is never too late to get back in touch with mine..it is scary to think about this but now it finally feels right