Not cool WordPress …so not not cool. Five minutes ago I had this angry AF post detailing all the bullshit and negativity currently occupying space in my entire being and then a message from WordPress telling me the draft failed to save..in the process of trying to copy and paste ..and POOF all my pessimistic bitching vanished. Let’s face it a little glitch never stopped me from bitching before and it’s not going to stop me now ..I ‘m just pissed I can’t remember what I typed..it was a doozie…at least I think it was.
So let me insert a little disclaimer here in case anyone reading this (oh I do crack myself up some days) is butt hurt or offended because I am annoyed and over sharing with the world..you cope your way and I will cope mine..and YES I have a therapist ..ANYWHO ..I am well aware that I am not woke..that my bitching is nothing more than entitled, first world issues that will not bring about world peace or a cure for cancer .but sometimes a girl just has to take the lid off the pot and let the bullshit steam fly. So here goes nothing…
Did I mention I just got home from an epic adventure to Italy and France? Well..truth is I needed an excuse to run away from life for just a little while and what better places to get lost than Italy and France?? One of my awesome kids also happened to be doing a summer semester in Florence ..the rest is history because there was no way that kid as much as I love and adore them was going to Italy and I was staying home. And yeah if you can do it GO to Italy ..the food..the wine ..the sexy accents ..the beaches ..oh and in case you are wondering they have these AMAZEBALLS historical sites and architecture that will make you think why don’t we build stuff like this..I was in Venice in a hotel that was built in the 1600s ..new by Italian /Ventian standards and the thing is still standing ..I know people who built houses 10 years ago and the damn things are falling apart…just a quick word of advice don’t be vain like I can be and wear Spanx to the airport..especially one with a full body scanner or else risk being molested by a pissed off TSA agent in front of hundreds of travelers..true story…did I get off track?
By the way before I go farther with this…I GET how snotty and entitled this post is ..I understand that not everyone is so blessed to find themselves able to not only run away from their life for a little while but also to a place like Italy..However… if you knew me, you would know that once upon a time I dreamed that hopefully one day I would be able to make it to New York City from Boston or maybe past the East Coast of The US, Italy was a place we studied in a book not a place I knew I could see or travel to ..never once did I imagine hard work and sacrifice paid off to this degree..I am blessed and I know it.
So back to my rant…You can only escape life for so long before reality comes knocking on the door…waiting for me when I arrived home were the same concerns about one of my children, the same question marks regarding my health and the same disappointments lingering for how long I don’t know and the same people who irritate the living daylights out of me and I am working on dealing with..I do try but I have recently been on prednisone and that shit makes me one angry individual and EVERYTHING is a problem or the existing problem is really exacerbated ..I want to think I have this post vacation hangover that continues persisting and the root of this rawness is jet lag..but yeah NO. In another thought it is quite possible I am just bitter over the fact my adventure ended and I came home to my life…or it could just be I am an asshole. (psst I am an asshole)
I have a laundry list of things offending my general sense of happiness at the moment..some are beyond trivial and petty..others ..well others involve injustices I can not control. Shall I lay out a few? I don’t expect anyone to actually read this post so I will start with the most trivial and over share in leaps and bounds..
Raise your hand if you see that person on social media whose comments and posts have to ability to simultaneously annoy the living crap out of you and amuse you in a rather demented way…just me? So here’s the thing ..one of my relatives has an ex who seems incapable of realizing the divorce happened in the 8-10 years ago time frame. Now I can get mourning the loss of relationships but eventually ..it is time to move on. These 2 did not have kids of their own ..however 1 came to the relationship with children (and how they got custody was probably more of a lesser of 2 evils situation) and the other developed a bond with the kids and that I will not fault them for..the rest of the situation is one of those that you file under shit I can’t make up..like a most recent comment on a facebook post regarding a possible family reunion ..”I am no longer a (insert last name) by marriage but I am still a (insert last name) in my heart”..no honey it is time to move on..move out and let it go. This person is a stage 5 clinger ..it dawned on me tonight ..hence the update to this post ..that the lyrics to Drake’s “In My Feelings” describe this person’s comments on just about every FB post my relatives make …”Kiki do you love me …are we riding? Say you’ll never leave from beside me…Cause I want ya and I need ya and I ‘m down for you always”…this mixed in with their constantly reminding people that they are friends, that they have a relationship with people..that they love them and the stupid fucking emojis at the end..are we 13? Oh and the need to point out how much they meant to their ex mother in law (my aunt by the way) ..it’s all about centering the attention on them (and seriously I can pass on the names of a few good therapists) Oh This was a good one…They actually got into a pissing match with the current spouse of their ex when my aunt passed away..on the online guest/condolence book ..like who does that?? It was both comical and horrifying (although I admit I took a page from their book and wrote and anonymous message on my father’s online obituary page and outed his affair with my mother and how he abandoned me..but it was like 8 years after he died..and I did it out of spite) I hope their relationship with my aunt improved over the years..because my aunt and I used to talk occasionally before we stopped liking each other and my aunt would tell me just to ignore this person because they were the most annoying and needy person in the house… I will not fault them for being angry with their ex..but the truth is they brought another person into their home to stay and my relative is not shall we say the most emotionally stable person..and well take a gander at what caused the break up??? Sucks ..and yeah they did not deserve to be cheated on but then again in addition to being a cling -on this person is not the crunchiest chip in the bag. However what bugs me the most lately..they seem to think that they won the family in the divorce ..a clue there Sherlock..my family is really not the prize at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box..oh I am full of cliches tonight..I feel like Seth Meyers doing Ya Burnt…Needy ex spouses who can’t accept they don’t belong in the family anymore ..move on YA BURNT
Let’s move on shall we? This same family that humors the cling on ..has a few more secrets lurking in the hole ..like a super secret relative who tested on ancestry DNA ..DNA DOES NOT LIE ..anywho these people seem to know already about the existence of said relative and refuse to have anything to do with them..supposedly they need permission from the absentee parent to actually make contact with this person ..yeah no you do not…IF it is completely acceptable to keep the above mentioned cling on in their lives..allow the children who belong to absentee parent’s sister in law to call them cousin/auntie/nana and yet their own cousin/niece/nephew/grandchild grew up 3 freaking streets away from us in the same freaking neighborhood and no one had anything to do with them (and give presents etc to non relatives who called them nana etc) and still refuse to have anything to do with them..well I hate to inform you people that you all need to be ashamed of yourselves ..that was a total dick move collectively..By the way this person is rather well adjusted and doing just fine without you …but like me they know what it feels like to feel the bitter rejection from their family (thank you to my dad and now my sister for that ongoing reason to stay in therapy) and ket me ask this.. why am I the only one who reached to this person?Why am I the one who was willing to go visit them and meet their AWESOME family? It really should not be me ..but you know what people in the end I win because this person and I connected from moment one and I don’t care who their mother/father is I just know they are my family..you know like really my family ..and we bonded over more than just our common circumstances ..I look forward to a lifetime of them in mine and my family’s lives …and you should too because this person IS your family
And finally …the last one I am going to stop over sharing because I realize I would be a Toal passive/aggressive cow for sharing that story ..but the last person I hope they know that they are someone I totally love and cherish and at the same time they are really under my skin at the moment and I want to scream cut the fucking shit but I won’t..stop the fucking games ..even my therapist is like yeah that is some fucked up shit ..so I know it is not just me but still I will stop before this becomes a total rant
I am going to end this on a more positive note ..it has been a fun weekend ..Friday night the hubs and I met up with an old friend and their spouse for drinks and apps..I even scored some coveted concert tickets in the process …last night we saw other friends for dinner and got to have my nana’s lemon squares..and today we went to a Christening and yeah I got to hold the babies ..we have a busy week ahead and I am kind of hoping we get to see one of my favorite little people for an adventure in the next couple of days ..oh and I am living vicariously through vacation photos of one of my dearest friends and her sisters (who are also my friends) and watching another good friend accomplish an amazing feat while raising money for cancer research..and today I got a Yeti..I put ice in it on this 90 degree evening and it is still in there..my friends will know what I am talking about… know I am surrounded in love and sunshine but those negatives do need to escape
ok end rant and damn this was a long one